A Project Manager's Guide to Negotiating Like a Pro
4 key negotiation strategies + 3 obstacles and how to beat them.
👋 Hey, Kyle here! Welcome to The Influential Project Manager, a weekly newsletter covering the essentials of successful project leadership.
Today’s Overview:
Almost every project manager I know has never received training in negotiation skills. Yet, they are constantly negotiating.
Negotiation skills help you secure the best deals, process change orders, manage risk, maintain strong relationships, and keep your project on track.
The results delivered by your projects depend upon what you negotiate. This guide will help you become a more effective negotiator.
♟️ A Project Manager's Guide to Negotiating Like a Pro
Filed under: Leadership & Managing People
Here’s a truth that might surprise you:
Almost every project manager I know has never received training in negotiation skills.
Yet, they are constantly negotiating - change orders, schedule dates, scope, cost adjustments, resources, and more - with their staff, the team, vendors, subs and clients, just to name a few.
Why should you learn to negotiate?
Because it’s the difference between a project that stays on track and one that spirals out of control.
Negotiation isn’t just about getting what you want; it’s about securing the best deals, managing risks, processing change orders, and building strong, lasting relationships that drive project success.
The results delivered by your projects depend upon what you negotiate.
When done right, negotiation lays the groundwork for trust and collaboration, opening doors to future opportunities.
But here’s the problem, most project managers aren’t equipped with the tools or strategies they need.
This lack of preparation leads to frustration, missed opportunities, and strained relationships.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
Why Is Negotiation So Difficult?
Focus on Positions, Not Interests: Many negotiators get stuck on positions—what they think they want—rather than exploring the underlying interests that drive those positions.
Emotional Reactions: Negotiations can trigger strong emotions. Without a plan to manage these emotions, negotiations can quickly go off the rails.
Lack of Creativity: We like to think in binary terms—win/lose, right/wrong—rather than exploring creative options that could satisfy everyone’s interests.
Ignoring Objective Criteria: When negotiations become a battle of wills, they end in stalemates. Using objective criteria can keep the conversation productive and focused on solutions.
Not Knowing Your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement): Without a clear understanding of your fallback options, you will accept a bad deal—or walk away from a good one.
Here's the good news: You can overcome these challenges and become a strong negotiator.
Here’s how, step by step:
1. Separate the People from the Problem.
People tend to become personally involved with the issues and with their side's positions. And so they will tend to take responses to those issues and positions as personal attacks.
When you focus on the problem instead of the person, you can negotiate more effectively without damaging relationships.
How to Do It:
Focus on Relationships: Remember, the person across the table isn’t the enemy. Keep the conversation respectful and collaborative.
Manage Emotions: Recognize and address emotions—both yours and theirs—without letting them derail the negotiation.
Communicate Clearly: Strive for open and honest communication to avoid misunderstandings. Listen actively, and speak with purpose.
Imagine a subcontractor demanding more money due to unforeseen circumstances. Instead of dismissing their request, acknowledge their situation and discuss how you can address both their concerns and the project's needs.
2. Focus on Interests, Not Positions.
Positions are what people say they want; interests are why they want it.
By understanding interests, you can find solutions that satisfy both parties.
How to Do It:
Identify Interests: Ask "Why?" to uncover the underlying reasons behind a position. For instance, a supplier might want faster payment terms not just for cash flow but to meet their own obligations.
Find Common Ground: Look for shared interests to build a foundation for agreement.
Be Open to Alternatives: Explore different ways to meet those interests, rather than sticking rigidly to your initial position.
Negotiations should look forward to the desired solution, rather than focusing on past events. Parties should keep a clear focus on their interests, but remain open to different proposals and positions.
3. Generate Multiple Options Before Deciding.
Too often, we rush to agreement without exploring all possible solutions. By brainstorming multiple options, you increase the chances of finding a win-win outcome.
Good negotiations consist of a relentless search for the “Third Alternative.”
We’re conditioned to see negotiations as win/lose—either I win, or I lose. But there’s almost always a third alternative where both sides can win, or at the very least, minimize their losses.
This way creates synergy, leading to outcomes that work for everyone.
How to Do It:
Brainstorm: Before deciding, generate a wide range of ideas. Shift between four types of thinking: stating the problem, analyzing the problem, considering general approaches, and considering specific actions.
Think Beyond Win-Lose: Look for solutions that benefit both parties. This third alternative often lies outside the obvious choices.
Be Creative: Don’t settle for the first solution that comes to mind. Explore every possibility from different angles and approaches to find the best solution.
If you’re negotiating a change order, don’t just haggle over price. Consider alternative solutions like adjusting the scope, phasing the work differently, or offering additional value that benefits both sides.
4. Insist on Objective Criteria.
When interests clash, relying on objective criteria is the best way to resolve differences fairly and effectively.
Negotiations grounded in objective standards—rather than personal opinions or power dynamics—lead to fairer and more successful outcomes.
How to Do It:
Use Fair Standards: Anchor your negotiations in widely accepted benchmarks like market value, industry practices, or legal precedents. This approach removes emotion from the equation and keeps the focus on what’s fair.
Be Consistent: Apply the agreed-upon criteria consistently throughout the negotiation.
Seek Legitimacy: Make sure the criteria you use are legitimate and acceptable to both parties. Never give in to pressure, threats, or bribes; stick to principles that both sides can agree on.
If you’re negotiating a contract dispute, refer to industry standards or past agreements to support your position. This will help keep the discussion grounded in facts rather than emotions.
🚧 Overcoming 3 Common Obstacles:
1. When the other party is more powerful.
Focus on your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). Know your fallback options and strengthen them so you’re not forced into a bad deal. Power comes from the ability to walk away—so be prepared to do so if necessary.
Know both your and the other side’s options, as well as starting and desired end points. If you are being asked to negotiate without this information, you’re at a disadvantage.
2. When the other party won't use principled negotiation.
Use “Negotiation Jujitsu.” Don’t push back directly against their positions. Instead, ask questions, invite criticism, and redirect their attacks onto the problem, not the people. The indirect approach can often bring them back to the table in a more collaborative mindset.
3. When the other party uses dirty tricks.
Call out the tactics calmly and professionally. If they’re using deception, psychological pressure, or unfair positioning, bring it into the open. Insist on principled negotiation and focus on establishing clear, fair ground rules for the discussion.
With these strategies, you can navigate even the toughest negotiations and come out with a fair and effective agreement.
Final Thoughts
Negotiating is a skill that with experience one becomes better at.
I negotiate everyday whether in my personal life or at work. The key is to stay focused and keep your eye on the goal, even when emotions run high. Always aim for a win-win outcome—because true success in negotiation comes when both sides walk away satisfied.
Preparation is everything. When you know your facts, when every "i" is dotted and every "t" is crossed, you enter negotiations with confidence, and confidence drives better results.
As you continue to develop your negotiation skills, you’ll find that respect follows. People will see you not as a challenger, but as a collaborator—someone who seeks outcomes that benefit all parties involved.
To achieve these outcomes:
Be prepared.
Separate the people from the problem.
Focus on interests, not positions.
Generate multiple options before deciding.
Insist on objective criteria.
Know your BATNA—your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.
Use an indirect approach to push back when needed.
Address issues calmly and professionally.
Insist on principled, fair ground rules.
Ultimately, it’s all about mastering the skill of collaboration.
The world’s best negotiators know that you need collaboration — not competition — in order to get to a mutually-beneficial outcome.
As master negotiator Nelson Mandela once said, “If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then, he becomes your partner.”
Until next week,
Kyle Nitchen
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Solid advice
Yup, my manager gave me the book "Getting to Yes" by William Ury - that was my education on negotiating too. Still as relevant as ever.