How to Build Relationships
4 components that can save and sustain all types of work and personal relationships.
👋 Hey, Kyle here! Welcome to The Influential Project Manager, a weekly newsletter covering the essentials of successful project leadership.
Today’s Overview:
Relationships are key to your success and the success of any team.
Think about someone you know. Do you have a good relationship with them? How do you measure whether or not you have a good relationship with them? It’s more than just greeting each other politely; it goes deeper than that.
Here, we’ll explore the ultimate relationship framework. It focuses on (1) Trust, (2) Listen, (3) Respect, and (4) Influence, to help you build strong relationships with everyone that affects your mission.
🔑 4 Keys to Every Relationship
Filed under: Leadership & Managing People
Relationships are key to your success and the success of any team.
When you recognize that relationships are paramount, you will prioritize building strong relationships with everyone around you.
A healthy workplace culture is one where people have positive relationships with each other. It’s a place where people can trust each other, listen to each other, respect each other, and influence each other.
In contrast, a workplace where relationships are strained and toxic can be a recipe for disaster. Therefore, it’s crucial to focus on building healthy relationships in the workplace.
Here, we’ll dive into the ultimate relationship framework. It focuses on Trust, Listen, Respect, and Influence, to help you grow healthy workplace relationships.
What is a Relationship?
Think about someone you know. Do you have a good relationship with them? How do you measure whether or not you have a good relationship with them?
It’s more than just greeting each other politely; it goes deeper than that.
Let me explain…
The Power of Relationships
To succeed in anything you are trying to do, you need to build strong relationships with those you depend on to accomplish your mission. Without relationships, we don’t have a team.
Think about the people in your life that you really have a good relationship with. Maybe this is someone you work with. Or it could be someone in your community. Anyone in your life you really like.
When they ask you for help, what do you do? You help them. But what if you are busy? Really, really busy? When they ask for help, what do you do? You help them. That’s the power of relationships. If we care about the other person enough, it doesn’t matter how busy we are. We will find the time to help them.
Now consider the opposite. Think about the people in your life that you don’t like. We all have them. When they ask you for something, what do you do? Most people won’t do it. Usually, we won’t help someone we dislike. Or we don’t put much effort into helping them.
Obviously, that hurts them because they don’t get the help from you that they need. But because they’re a member of your team, that also hurts you! This is why you should strive to build strong relationships with everyone in your world—every person that impacts or could impact your mission.
How Do You Measure Your Relationships?
How do you quantify your relationship with others rather than someone you simply “like” or “dislike”?
Ask yourself:
Do you trust them? Do they trust you?
Do you listen to them? Do they listen to you?
Do they respect you? Do you respect them?
Do you have the ability to influence them? Do they have the ability to influence you?
A relationship is built upon these four things:
Trust
Listen
Respect
Influence
If you don’t have these things with someone, you don’t have a relationship with them. In order to get these things from others, you have to give them first.
When you have a high level of trust with someone, when you listen to them, when you show them respect, when you allow them to influence you, they are far more likely to accept your feedback.
This is all the more powerful when they know that you care about them, that you are trying to help them and have their best interests in mind.
🤝 How to Build Relationships
Most leaders struggle to define relationships and don’t understand how to build them.
Here’s how you should think about and use this framework:
1. Maintain a Foundation of TRUST
Trust is the foundation of any relationship.
Always tell the truth and deliver on your promises.
Trust your team to take ownership and make decisions.
Listen to your team and don’t get defensive when they push back.
Read: Trust = Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy / Self-Orientation
2. LISTEN & Speak Last
Effective listening is non-negotiable in building relationships.
Talk less, listen more. Speak with intelligence.
Improve your speaking skills so others listen to you.
Genuinely listen and care when people speak to you.
3. RESPECT Your Team & Earn Their Respect
Respect is mandatory for healthy work relationships.
Lead by example and show respect to everyone, even those with different opinions.
Be humble and respect your team’s input.
Creating a culture of mutual respect is what builds a positive and stable environment.
4. INFLUENCE & Be Influenced
Use your influence wisely and only when necessary.
Be willing to be influenced by others on your team.
Allowing others to influence you shows you respect and value their opinions.
This leads to more productive and positive relationships.
Final Thoughts
Building healthy relationships is a must for any successful team.
This relationship framework (Trust, Listen, Respect, and Influence) helps leaders build healthy workplace relationships. You do this by trusting others, listening to them, showing them respect, allowing yourself to be influenced by them, and demonstrating that you care about them.
This week, consider your relationships with your family, friends, and colleagues. Which relationships do you need to work on the most? Identify one person you will focus on building a better relationship with and prioritize that effort over the next 30 days.
Remember, when you give and build healthy relationships, you give your team the best chance to succeed.
Until next week,
Kyle Nitchen
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